The Boss

Growing up with an older brother, I played a lot of video games. We had this odd, cold, tiny room in the back of our house that us kids dubbed “The Nintendo Room”. We had a first-generation Nintendo hooked up to an ancient dial TV that needed a good smack on the right side when the image would fizzle out. We used to scotch-tape a vintage prism kaleidoscope to the end of our Duck Hunt gun to scatter the light beam, helping us kill every duck with one pull of the trigger. Still not sure how that sorcery worked but I had some seriously high scores.

But by seven years old I was palpably terrified of the Super Mario World Bosses.  The do-do-do-do-DAH-dum-do-do-do-do-weeeeeee theme song from an upcoming boss can still make my skin crawl.  I’d shout for my brother and chuck the controller at him so he could finish the level for me.  It always seemed like we’d beaten the hardest boss there possibly could be… and then, out of nowhere, do-do-do-do-DAH-dum! Another one who was EVEN tougher than the last.

The past 10 months have been the most exhausting of my life.  At peak, Mina was waking up no less than 6 times a night for almost 3 weeks straight. If you can believe it, we hit 12 wakeups each in two consecutive nights. Nick and I just passed her back and forth for 10 dark hours. She was almost 5 months old by this point. It was grueling.  

We always assumed Mina was hungry at night. Her oral ties were so tight that she was losing weight, snoring herself awake, and struggling to eat. My heart broke for her. And so, we picked her up and nursed her. 6 times a night. 8 times a night. 12 times a night. At 5 months old, Mina got her ties released, and two nights later she was down to just 3 or 4 wakeups. Yay! Mina was getting better! After a couple of weeks and a good recovery, it was time to sleep train!

Except, it just didn’t work…

First, we figured it was weight. “If Mina can just hit 12 pounds, she’ll finally sleep!” Then we assumed it was new skills. “If Mina can just figure out how to sit up, she’ll finally sleep!” Then, sleep regression. “If Mina can just get through this Wonder Week, she’ll finally sleep!” It was as if each sleep disruption she threw our way was even more difficult than the one before. One night I knew I’d solved it.  Mina was just teething, obvs! I gave her some Tylenol and laid down in bed, “THERE! NOW she’ll finally sleep!” I closed my eyes, relieved to settle in for a glorious 6 hours of sleep only to be rocked awake by a pounding tune in my head. DO-DO-DO-DO-DAH-dum-do-do-do-do-WEEEEE!!!!

Oh. F***.

It was 2 AM while Nick was away on a business trip when I realized I’d been fighting my very own hoard of Mario Bosses for seven months. How many times had we assured ourselves we’d finally beaten the hardest level, only to have a bigger problem show up? And what impossible challenge was coming next?

We fought her sleep for another few weeks, always convincing ourselves we’d won, only to be let down and run-down day after day. When Mina hit 8 months old, we gave up. Maybe Mina’s just going to be the kid that needs attention at 4 o’clock in the morning until she’s five. Might as well figure out what life like that looks like. And so, like clockwork, every night for two months Mina would work her way up the mattress in her sleep, stick her head in the corner of the crib at 4 AM, wake up, cry, get a boob, and we’d all go back to bed. At least it was predictable.

About a week ago I stood here watching my almost 10-month-old climb the stairs by herself and wondered, if this baby is SO physically capable, why can she not just turn around in her crib when she scooches herself out of room? Why can’t she just sleep the other direction?

… because Mina doesn’t think you’re allowed to sleep “backwards” in the crib. I’D ONLY EVER LAID THIS CHILD DOWN IN ONE DIRECTION. She didn’t realize turning around was an option…

It took just two naps to show Mina that she can sleep any freaking way she pleases in the crib. She caught on instantly, and has slept through the night every day since.  Halleluiah, Praise the Lord, I’m HUMAN once again!

As a kid, those Mario Bosses always seemed so intimidating. As if the challenge was so great that only my big brother could figure it out. But in reality, you could win with just three little hits in the right place. Maybe if I’d just stopped trying so hard to force Mina to sleep, she would have showed me how simple the answer was months earlier… and maybe she’d have finally slept.