The Boo-Boo Bee

I’m well aware that the best way to handle bumps and bruises with a toddler is to not overreact. I’m also routinely overreactive about EVERYTHING, so, guess what? My kid cries over anything. Every stubbed toe. Every time she walks into a door (all too common). She even cries when she almost hits something and just scares herself. Just covering her bases, I suppose.

We have a beloved boo-boo ice pack in the freezer that helps halt the screaming. It’s shaped like a butterfly, but Zary doesn’t distinguish between types of bugs. To her, they’re all “Bees!” (Except ants. Those are “ASS-es!” Which is freaking adorable.)

I don’t even have to see the fall or hear the crying to know she got hurt. I just hear “BEEEEEEE!” echoing across the house and I head to the freezer before I even check on her. Bee gets used so many times a day that I even bring him with us on errands. Can never be too prepared. He makes it onto the run-down list for every babysitter, and comes on every vacation with us.

Last week, though, Bee was summoned into uncharted territory. Z had been constipated for days (sidebar: it’s reasons like this post that I’m going to need to kill this blog before she knows how to read…) and no amount of prune juice was helping. It’s after lunch, her preferred time to poop, and she’s over in the corner behind her Fisher Price Jungle, the preferred location. Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. Massive fart, pregnant pause, and…… “BEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!” followed by So. Much. Crying.

I’m already laughing at this point knowing that she crapped herself so hard it scared her. I can hardly hold it together. I grab Bee, and ask her to point out what hurts. She doesn’t know. I ask if her toes hurt. Shakes her head no. I ask if she fell. Shakes her head no. I ask if her bumbum hurts… she gives the affirmative along with a sad little “ohhhh” whimper.

And, like, I feel bad for the kid. But oh man I can barely type I’m still laughing so hard about it seven days later. Poor Bee. He’s seen more than his fair share. And now I’m off to find an ice pack shaped like an ant. Hearing her scream “ASS-es!” five times a day would be the dream.